Tony Southcotte answers our Eight Questions

We here at the arena have decided that the bios we publish at the end of our competitors’ stories are a tad drab, so we’ve come up with a questionnaire that we will be sending to all future writers to get to know them better. Tony Southcotte, currently in the Phat Ink Fight, gives his answers…

1. Do you remember the first story you ever wrote? What was it about?

The first story I ever wrote was in 1st grade. It was about a turtle going to a sporting goods store for fishing supplies and a fox who didn’t want to hurt any fish. I remember it being three pages long when everyone else was barely writing half a page. I’m pretty sure in that moment I became a pretentious ass.

2. What word do you hate?

Darnit, fudge, shoot, f-bomb or other euphemisms for curse words. Not using the actual word makes you sound like a two-year old who needs a lollipop and a nap. Say what you mean, speak with intent, and blast a few fucks into the atmosphere.

3. If an octoshark fought a zombie dinosaur in a bear pit, who would win?

If there is one thing I’ve learned in the arena it is that tentacles are not to be trifled with. I don’t think a dinosaur could hang with a shark that could latch on to its throat. Those gimpy T-Rex arms can’t stop the tentacular fury.

4. What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever tried?

Vegemite isn’t weird in a rational sense, but is one of the strangest things I’ve ever tasted. I had a teacher by the name of Mr. Wigglesworth who was on an exchange program from New Zealand. He was all about the vegemite and had us try it on crackers. It was like if black licorice had a food baby with peanut butter. Gross.

5. Where do you find inspiration?

Inspiration is for fools and people without deadlines. It’s like a muse, it really isn’t tangible or required for writing and leads to needing a certain mood to get any work done. It’s an excuse more than anything.

That being said, hyper stylized violence in movies makes me want to up my game. I keep my violence very controlled and censored for the The Writer’s Arena.

6. Who is your nemesis?

Tom Brady, the Seattle Seahawks, the Jacksonville Jaguars from 1996, and pretty much any team or person getting in the way of a Broncos Super Bowl. Also, football fans for other teams. You are mistaken and evil for your heresy. Especially Chiefs fans. How do Chiefs fans even happen?

7. What is your favorite bad movie?

Army of Darkness. It has more cheese than a Kraft factory, the filming style is jerky, and the skeletons aren’t exactly realistic, but holy crap that movie is awesome. Bruce Campbell deserved at least an Oscar and maybe a Razzie for that performance.

8. What sound or noise do you love?

The sound of old American muscle cars. That guttural angry lugging makes my heart race. It’s like listening to engineering history draped in an American flag bikini riding an eagle into the sunset. You really don’t get much better than that old Detroit steel.

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