Kevin Veldman has been a long time friend of both The Writer’s Arena and the Human Echoes Podcast. He also wrote under a pen name for the arena, but has decided to take off the cowl and show his face (some employers frown upon our glorious and beautiful violence). On top of that, he is half of the amazing ComicNoobs Podcast, which you absolutely should subscribe to.
1. Do you remember the first story you ever wrote? What was it about?
I’m not positive it’s the first story I wrote, but I remember one that I wrote when I was seven about a man name Mr. Volcano, whose head exploded whenever he got mad. I remember that this happened more than once in the story. I am not sure about the mechanics of multiple head explosions. Now that I think about it, I might have to revisit Mr. Volcano.
2. What word do you hate?
The word I hate most is “Indescribable,” because it’s an adjective. It is literally describing something. It’s a word that undercuts its own definition and it kind of hurts my brain to think about.
3. If an octoshark fought a zombie dinosaur in a bear pit, who would win?
The shambling zombie-dinosaur wouldn’t be quick enough to catch the octoshark for an effective attack. Have you ever seen a fish out of water? They thrash around like crazy. The octoshark would thrash around furiously until it latched on to the zombie dinosaur with its tentacles and dismembered the undead reptile to the point that it no longer would be an effective fighter. Unfortunately in the struggle, the zombie dinosaur would take a decent bite out of the octoshark, injuring it badly enough that it cannot escape the bear pit. Moral of the story is that nobody wins when octoshark fights zombie dinosaur.
4. What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever tried?
When I was in the Netherlands I tried pickled herring, which apparently is a dutch staple. It was actually pretty good, for a strip of fish in a jar.
5. Where do you find inspiration?
Usually looking through my collections of books, movies, comics, and music, and thinking about what I wish I had in that collection. That’s probably why most of my stories end up being ridiculous mash-ups.
6. Who is your nemesis?
Twitter is my nemesis. Maybe one day I will break free of that pernicious addiction, but today is not that day.
7. What is your favorite bad movie?
My favorite bad movie is called Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. It is irritating and slapstick and absolutely awful, but the first time I saw it I had a fever of 102 and I could not stop laughing. I have a soft spot for that movie still.
8. What sound or noise do you love?
Thunderstorms. Whenever I can, I sit in my garage with the door open during thunderstorms because they are so relaxing for me. I know a lot of people find thunderstorms stressful, but they put me in a zen-state like nothing else can. I probably didn’t use “zen” correctly there, but you know what I mean.
Kevin is an eternally-aspiring writer and the editor and co-host of the comic book comedy podcast “The ComicNoobs Show” which is available on Soundcloud (https://soundcloud.com/comicnoobspodcast), iTunes (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/comic-noobs/id1042622248) and most podcast apps. You can usually find Kevin posting nonsense and comicbook or sci-fi articles on Twitter @comicnoobsshow. One day he’ll publish some stories, but not until he learns to write better.