David Webb Answers Our Eight Questions

QuestionsHaving participated in six battles and been a finalist in the 2015 Arena Tournament, David Webb is an arena regular at this point. You’ve seen him deal with the devil and aliens, and if you haven’t visited his website to check out more of his fiction, you truly need to. With all that being said, we felt it was time for David to take on our Eight Questions.

1. Do you remember the first story you ever wrote? What was it about?

I do not remember the first story I ever wrote, but I do remember the first one I ever had to read out in class. This was primary – grade school for you colonials – and my parents had allowed me to watch a Bond movie the previous weekend. So the story was a Bond fanfic, complete with cat stroking villains and Q branch gadgets and, most important of all, machine gun sound effects which the teacher launched into without really understanding what she was doing. That was a very satisfying moment.

2. What word do you hate?

I don’t hate words. I do hate what words are used for, and I really hate it when words are misused. Also, I don’t like being called a “pendant” for asking that people stick to the basic rules of human communication. Firstly, while language does evolve it don’t do it like that and you can’t use its evolution as a defense for your shocking ignorance. Secondly, the word is “pedant,” you idiot.

3. If an octoshark fought a zombie dinosaur in a bear pit, who would win?

The winner is Batman. It’s always Batman whenever these sorts of questions get asked. I know that technically the fight is between an octoshark and a zombie dinosaur, but that’s what Batman wants you to think. That’s the cunning part of the plan. And you won’t see it until the batarangs are flying and you’re suddenly hanging upside down from a very high place. That’s when you’ll realize it was never a zombie dinosaur in the first place, it was just a cunning deception and the winner is…Batman.

4. What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever tried?

Jellied Eels.

Jellied Eels are actually pretty tasty, they just look really grim. And they were a bar snack in a pub that I ought not to have been in, I was really thirsty and they wouldn’t serve me at the bar until I’d eaten the jellied eels. It was an East End pub, one of the ones tucked away where really only the locals drink, but it was a warm day and I’d had a busy week, so I did what I was told. After which everyone was thoroughly amused at the idiot stranger and I got the beer I wanted, so everyone was happy.

5. Where do you find inspiration?

I don’t find inspiration. I pack my head with words – songs, books, TV shows, conversations, newspaper and magazine article – and then stuff collates and comes out as ideas. Inspiration turns up when you think really hard about something, or when you load your head the right way and let your subconsciousness grind away at it.

6. Who is your nemesis?

I don’t currently have a nemesis, but I’m taking applicants.

7. What is your favorite bad movie?

It’s “Gremloids,” which was released in the USA as “Hyperspace.” For a truly miserable cinematic experience with no redeeming features whatsoever, though, it’s really hard to beat the cinematic release of “Highlander 2.” That’s a film that should have been beheaded and buried at a crossroads with its mouth stuffed with garlic.

8. What sound or noise do you love?

I love silence. I have tinnitus, so I never hear silence in the normal course of things. When that constant noise in my head disappears, though, which it has twice since I was 20, it’s blissful.

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